Today, I remember my grandmother
As she attempts to connect with her second children
she finds the only english words she knows
from somewhere hidden in the belly of her 4 foot 9 inch body
and instead of awonke she greets us with “bye bye”
beckoning us into her thin clay colored arms
She has my mother’s face etched with time
peers at me me from eyes wide and dark
like mine
These lines suggest a heartfelt memory of the user’s grandmother, who tries to connect with her grandchildren using the limited English words she knows. Despite the language barrier, her love and warmth shine through as she embraces them with her small, clay-colored arms. The user sees their own reflection in her wide, dark eyes, creating a strong emotional connection.
I walk into these arms, the ones that mothered my mother,
taught her how to mother me
inhale the history from her skin
She reminds me of the little girl
bow legged and round faced, holding roasted corn in one hand
and a fistful of chin chin in the other
still begging for Orange Fanta to wash it all down
I remember her voice firm yet loving
“eh eh… mma bassey agi.. awai…”
you must eat, then drink
These lines describe the user’s grandmother, who played a significant role in their family’s history. The user vividly recalls their grandmother’s nurturing presence, as she not only mothered their own mother but also taught her how to be a mother. The user reminisces about the little girl their grandmother once was, with bow legs and a round face, holding roasted corn and chin chin, and eagerly asking for Orange Fanta to accompany the treats. The memory also includes the sound of their grandmother’s firm yet loving voice, urging them to eat first and then drink. It’s a beautiful depiction of familial love and cherished traditions.
sometimes I forget but she remembers the small scared girl
carried away on an iron bird to America
Seems like that same bird has returned only to replace, her,
that perfect girl with me
this strange tongue tied woman,
the one that can barely say hello
without the clicks and moans the dips and tones of the white man’s language
She listens now as I struggle with atum adem
These lines highlight the user’s grandmother’s memories of the small scared girl who was taken away to America on an airplane. The user reflects on how time has passed, and now they feel like the replacement for that perfect girl. They describe themselves as a “strange tongue tied woman” who struggles to speak the white man’s language, with its clicks, moans, dips, and tones. The user’s grandmother now listens as they struggle with the pronunciation of “atum adem.” It emphasizes the challenges of language and cultural assimilation, as well as the connection between generations and the user’s desire to preserve their heritage.
It breaks my heart to realize that
I can only love her clearly in english.
These lines suggest that the user feels a sense of sadness and heartbreak because they can only express their love for their grandmother clearly in English. It implies that there may be a language barrier between them, and the user may struggle to fully communicate their emotions and thoughts in their grandmother’s native language. Despite this, the user still deeply loves their grandmother and wishes they could express it more effectively.
But tears do not replace the words
love will not make it easier
make it less heavy
desire will not help me remember
what the words taste like flowing like the Cross River from my tongue
These lines emphasize the limitations of tears and love when it comes to replacing words and easing the heaviness of the language barrier. The user expresses that their desire alone cannot help them remember what the words taste like as they flow from their tongue, much like the Cross River. It highlights the frustration and longing the user feels in not being able to fully express themselves in their grandmother’s language, despite their deep emotional connection.
But this is not my only tongue
Insolent and heavy with the awkward movements of amber waves
east or west this is not my village
and my heart still longs for my grandmother’s voice
steady and strong crossing rivers and oceans
rounding buildings of mud, thatched roof
of steel and glass
concrete and confusion
still I am afraid that it will not find me here
in this land miles
from the one that welcomed me into this world
lifetimes before I existed in this cosmopolitan space
These lines highlight the user’s complex relationship with language and their sense of displacement. They express that the user has more than one tongue, one that feels insolent and heavy with the unfamiliar movements of a different culture. The user acknowledges that their current location is not their village, and despite being in a cosmopolitan space, their heart still longs for their grandmother’s voice, which represents their roots and connection to their homeland. The user expresses a fear that their grandmother’s voice may not find them in this distant land, miles away from where they were originally welcomed into the world. It highlights their longing for a sense of belonging and the challenges of navigating multiple cultural identities.
“nbong non yin ben yami?”
“nbong non yin ben yami?”
what will I teach my children?
what will I tell them of where I’ve been
the earth that shaped me
the hands that held me
the land that made me
what will they call home
and will they here it if and when it calls them
my heart still holds the salt and clay of Ugep
the strength of our women isn’t lost in me
but sometimes I forget and find it difficult to walk in bare feet
afraid to remember what history feels like dust covered and
peeking from brown toes
These lines highlight the user’s contemplation about what they will teach their children and what they will tell them about their heritage and the places that shaped them. The user reflects on the earth, hands, and land that have had a profound impact on their identity. They wonder what their children will call home and if they will recognize the call of their ancestral land. The user acknowledges that their heart still carries the essence of Ugep, including the strength of the women from their community. However, they admit that sometimes they forget and find it difficult to fully embrace their roots, symbolized by their fear of walking barefoot and the struggle to remember the history that is ingrained in their brown toes. It highlights the complexities of preserving cultural heritage and the challenges of navigating identity in a different environment.
oklahoma
DC
brooklyn
will not help me remember
ikom
ugep
calabar
they will also not let me forget fingers sticky with fuu fuu
swallowed whole
or tongues stinging numb from plantain fried in palm oil
But I have lost the grit and the grain of my grandmother’s gari
I can’t taste past this nostalgic lump in my throat
can’t stomach the reality of this my divided culture
African
American
I am everything
And I am nothing
Nigeria quietly begs me to remember
While America slowly urges me to forget
but it’s for my past
It’s for my future
it is for my children
and it is for you, grandmother
that I must
always
always
remember
These lines describe the user’s struggle with cultural identity and the longing to remember their Nigerian heritage while navigating life in America. The user mentions various places like Oklahoma, DC, Brooklyn, Ikom, Ugep, and Calabar, highlighting the connection to their roots. They express that memories of sticky fingers from eating fuu fuu, plantains fried in palm oil, and their grandmother’s gari have faded, leaving them with a nostalgic lump in their throat. The user acknowledges the complexities of their divided culture as both African and American, feeling like everything and nothing at the same time. Nigeria quietly begs them to remember, while America slowly urges them to forget. However, the user recognizes that remembering is important for their past, future, children, and most importantly, their grandmother. It emphasizes the user’s commitment to honoring their heritage and the importance of preserving their cultural identity.
